you don't listen anyways; i'll be quiet, i don't really feel like fighting

[cashewlater]

It's.. fine, Tighnari.

[ it isn't fine. it's never fine, when this happens, and it's always clear, exactly what is going on. cyno's home situation has never been good, never been comfortable, but cyno plows through it, because he has no other choice, because soon, he'll be eighteen, and he won't need to deal with this ever again. though he has no memories of his mother, cyno can't help but think that his father had been a happy man, back then, before she left him alone with a squalling babe. that he hadn't simply given cyno up to the system is a miracle in and of itself, one that cyno's father is always sure to remind him of. he drinks, and slurs, and slams cyno to the wall.

i kept you, when your own mother didn't even want you. you owe me, kid. ]

I just got into a fight. That's all.

[ which isn't necessarily an untruth, even if cyno still feels incredibly guilty keeping the reality of it from tighnari, but what else is there to say? he can't tell him the truth, even if it's as clear as the bruise around his eye. beneath his oversized hoodie, his ribs ache. cyno shifts from foot to foot, where they stand at the entrance to tighnari's home, adjusting his backpack, fiddling with his thick, fluffy hair to better cover his bruised eye. he chews his lower lip, worrying at the golden stud there. ]

Anyway, I'll.. see you tomorrow, yeah?

Comments

[cashewlater]

Cyno's eyes are down, his heart thumping so hard in his chest that he's sure it's audible. It must be. It's pounding in his ears. He's never really defied his father, never allowed himself to, and the idea is.. terrifying. Tighnari can't understand, the influence his father has, how much the public trusts him..

Leaning forward, still hugging his arms to his chest, he touches his forehead to Tighnari's.

"I'm afraid."

[tighnauri]

Tighnari can't understand and it frustrates him. He just wants to make things better, he wants Cyno to be safe. He's so scared it's going to be too late before he can get away.

"I am too. I don't know how to help you, Cyno..."

[cashewlater]

"I don't - "

Need you to help me, he wants to say, but he knows that isn't what Tighnari wants to hear. Swallowing thickly, he drops his gaze downward. He doesn't want to disappoint him, doesn't want to make Tighnari angry or upset, but.. what is there to be done?

"Just.. just let me think about it.."

[tighnauri]

"Cyno…” Tighnari bites the inside of his cheek and he’s afraid to push it too far. He’s afraid if he doesn’t push enough and something happens… He curls his hands into fists, his ears pressing against his head.

“You know you don’t deserve any of it… right?”

[cashewlater]

He sees Tighnari's frustration, and he hates it, hates that he's put his best friend into a position like this when really Cyno should be handling it alone, shouldn't be dragging anyone else into it..

But those words - they finally crack him. Cyno gasps softly, his chest tightening, wetness springing to his eyes, burning and stinging. He looks down, hugging his arms close to his chest, tears rolling down, dripping onto his jeans. "I.. but I.."

Of course he deserves it. If he were just better behaved, if he were a better person, a better son..

[tighnauri]

The last thing Cyno should be doing is having to handle this alone. And he's not because Tighnari's not ever going to let him. He's frozen for a moment when Cyno begins to cry. It seems so... wrong. Cyno is so strong and he... just isn't someone that should have to cry like this.

Tighnari soon snaps into motion and quickly wraps his arms around Cyno tightly. He presses Cyno's face to his shoulder, a gentle hand rubbing his back.

"But nothing. You don't deserve this."

[cashewlater]

Tighnari's arms close around him, so warm and gentle, and Cyno shudders, before he's leaning into the comfort of it, pressing his face into Tighnari's shoulder. He smells so good.. so sweet and familiar, so wonderfully nice, floral and clean, with a hint of musky fur. He knows this scent so well.

But this comfort - it breaks him. Cyno's breath shivers, and he sobs softly, quietly, hot tears rolling onto Tighnari's shirt, soaking the fabric as he allows himself to cry for the first time in years. His arms slip around Tighnari's middle, squeezing, holding close to him, as close as he possibly can.

[tighnauri]

Tighnari is glad that he can at least offer this. It doesn't fix anything at all and that makes him angry but if it gives Cyno even a moment of comfort and reprieve than he would hold him all day. He rubs his back gentle and allows the other to hold onto him, to cry on his shoulder. He holds him more carefully, worried he might worsen one of his injuries but he just nuzzles his head against Cyno's as the other holds him tight and close.

"You deserve so much better, Cyno," he murmurs softly. He'd do anything to give him that.

[cashewlater]

Does he? Does he deserve better? It's so hard to believe that. If he deserves better, why, then, is this happening to him? Why is there no justice in the world? It had been so much easier to deal with all of this while working under the assumption that he had it coming, that this was all what he deserved.

But now Tighnari is holding him so close, Cyno can hardly stand the tenderness. His shoulders shake silently, his face pressed into that shoulder, but soon enough his tears begin to dry up, and he's left sniffling, quiet as he lays against Tighnari.

[tighnauri]

Tighnari holds him through it all and as the other cries he does his best to blink back his own tears. He wants to be strong for him. He wishes he could be strong enough to protect him and to make him believe all the words that he's saying to him.

He presses a soft kiss to the side of his temple when the other seems to calm.

[cashewlater]

Cyno can't help but feel a little silly for this, for allowing himself to cry in front of Tighnari.. he's always trying so hard to be strong, to tough it out, that breaking down just feels wrong. Like he should be trying harder to tough it out.

But Tighnari is so gentle, kissing his temple in a way that makes him sigh. Slowly, Cyno begins to relax. ".. sorry. I got your shirt wet."

[tighnauri]

"It's okay. You can get my shirt wet anytime, Cyno," Tighnari says with the hint of a smile tugging at his lips. He reaches for his hand, lacing their fingers together.

"I'm here for you."

[cashewlater]

Their fingers slide together, and Cyno glances upward and into Tighnari's face, his eyes wet and red-rimmed. He looks open and vulnerable in a way that Tighnari has likely never seen before either, in a way that Cyno never shows, even to those closest to him. He gives Tighnari's hand a gentle squeeze.

".. I know. Thanks, Tighnari. I don't know what I'd do without you."

[tighnauri]

"I really wish you could spend the night," Tighnari says quietly. Or that Cyno could get some proper medical care or just get away from his father forever.

[cashewlater]

"I can spend the night, I just - " he says softly, then glances aside, ashamed of his fear. "If I don't tell him.. it'll just piss him off."

[tighnauri]

Tighnari's eyes lit up at Cyno relenting but there's still worry that clouds them again.

"Okay, then what you think is best is what we'll do."

[cashewlater]

Cyno breathes a sigh of relief, then nods. "Right, I'll just text him real quick," he says, then tugs his phone from his pocket and begins punching in a quick text to his father, letting him know he'll be at Tighnari's place for the weekend. Once it's sent, he feels.. lighter, knowing that he won't have to go home for a few days.

"Okay, all done."

[tighnauri]

Tighnari watches him, staying pressed close with his arms loosely around his waist, making sure to be careful of the tender spots.

"Good," Tighnari smiles at him. "I wish it was for longer but at least this is something."

[cashewlater]

It's really nice, having Tighnari close like this.. it makes him feel warm all over, happy in ways he's a little too shy and frightened to express. Leaning into Tighnari, he sighs softly, a smile curving his mouth. Being around Tighnari makes him.. so effortlessly happy.

"Yeah, you have me all weekend now," he says, one corner of his mouth quirking upward. "What do you wanna do?"

[tighnauri]

"Hm... well, you could help me in the garden," Tighnari says, teasing of course. He enjoys the closeness with his best friend more than he should but he can't make himself wiggle away.

"We could just watch movies."

[cashewlater]

"Yeah, I could do that. Tomorrow, then?" It's a little late for gardening now.. and besides, he does like to be near Tighnari, like this. Cyno's smile is warm as he nods. "Movies sound great."

[tighnauri]

“Mhm,” Tighnari says and if the other really wants to he’d be happy to drag him into it in the morning. He’d find something that wouldn’t pain him as much.

“What are you in the mood for then?”