for @citer

[cashewlater]

Comments

[citer]

This is why medicine shouldn't taste better than the suffering of the illness.

[cashewlater]

[ cyno just chuckles. ]

I'd have to be out of my mind not to enjoy a massage.

[citer]

And you'd have to be out of your mind to want back problems, but I suppose that's the issue. You are out of your mind.

[ tighnari shakes his head. ] I'm willing to concede to a massage once a week. Perhaps spacing it out will give you less excuse to over-exert.

[cashewlater]

Once a week then. No excuses to back out of it.

[ being with tighnari puts him in a good mood.. ]

[citer]

[ oh my god. ]

Cyno, that's terrible.

[cashewlater]

Not funny?

[ and, finishing off his flatbread now. ]

Back out, as in escape your duty, but it's funny, because you're also tending to my back. Wordplay.

[citer]

- I understood it! You didn't have to explain. But that joke is objectively terrible. [ JUDGMENTAL FLATBREAD EATING. ] You're in a very good mood for someone who hasn't had rest in four days.

[cashewlater]

I thought it was hysterical. [ don't you judge him you sassy fox!! ] Mm. It's good to be home, I suppose. And to have had a good night's rest.

[citer]

[ at this, his ears still in their flicker. tighnari looks at him. ]

... I see. [ in something like thoughtful wonder. ] This is your home, then.

[cashewlater]

I - well..

[ cyno hadn't meant for the conversation to deepen in this way, it had been an offhand comment, but.. his gaze drops to the plates. ]

I live here. I enjoy coming back here. That makes it home, doesn't it?

[citer]

[ does it? tighnari's never known the word. you couldn't call the sanctuary of surasthana a home. neither was the akademiya. this palace had seemed terribly large when he'd first arrived, swathed in silks and decorated in gold.

the set of cyno's shoulders, he remembers, had seemed like justice. ]

It's your definition, isn't it? [ he thinks this through aloud, flatbread momentarily forgotten so that he can pull his tail into his lap. ] A home fulfills set criteria determined only by the beholder. You can't measure the measure of a home; you can only experience it. If you enjoy your time here, and you feel at peace, why can't this be your home?

Have you ever had a home otherwise?

[cashewlater]

[ he's wearing that thoughtful frown again, the one that creases his brow and makes his usual stoic expression look even more serious. but he's giving this thought proper attention. ]

.. I suppose I must have, once.

[ when he was born, before he was orphaned, left behind on the temple stairs for the sands and spirits to take - surely then, he had a home. yet cyno's memories of it are hazy at best, flashing, blurred images of forgotten faces, garbled, distant voices. his time spent at the akademiya with cyrus.. had that been a home? he cares for his adoptive father a great deal, but growing up in the akademiya's walls had been lonely, and a little cold. the matra's quarters, after that.. a place he hadn't minded living in, but was it home? honestly, this place is the first real space that has ever been his own. ]

Mm. Never a dull moment, with you around.

[citer]

[ amusement, brimming: ]

I'm hardly an ornament decorating your lawn. Do you consider me to be a living part of your home?

[cashewlater]

[ tighnari's amused, but cyno's expression darkens. ]

I've never thought that. You aren't an attractive mantelpiece.

[ a beat, and cyno scoops up some sarsheer and walnuts, though he does not yet eat. ]

.. if you were able to leave this place, right this moment, would you?

[citer]

[ ... ]

I wouldn't. [ he says, slowly. ] There are two reasons for this. I enjoy living here, and I have no where else to go. I will not be returning to the Sanctuary of Surasthana; I decided this when I was given to you. There is nowhere else in Sumeru where a Valuka Shuna can live, and live the way I intend to.

Cyno. [ he says this, and looks at him. ] I've yet to build a definition of home for myself. You must understand why.

[cashewlater]

[ the answer surprises him, but he supposes that it makes perfect sense, however it makes his stomach clench with the injustice of it all. injustice that does not sit well, with cyno. it's laughable, isn't it? that becoming the general mahamatra, sumeru's paragon of judgment and moral upstanding, has earned him this?

he feels the weight of tighnari's gaze, and meets it. ]

You can't have a home when you are not a person. When you do not have agency.

[citer]

I've always had agency. I've always been a person. It simply isn't recognised. If I will not change myself for society, and I really won't, then I will make society change for me.

[ but there's a quirk to his lips as he shakes his head. ] Those are naïve words. But I enjoy it here, in this place. I suspect you are making me a home.

[cashewlater]

It's wrong.

[ cyno's voice is low, and he sets aside his sarsheer; his appetite has vanished. tighnari's mouth is quirking, but cyno finds that this topic brings him no joy. he's always followed the rules, the rules of the land, societal rules, and thought himself their lesser, finding no reason to doubt the status quo. but things have changed, meeting tighnari, learning the dark secret of the valuka shuna's existence..

the stink of corruption and the imbalance of power make his stomach turn. ]

I'm glad you're content here, but you shouldn't have to be. [ he should be making his own home. he's so smart, so strong, he deserves better than to be cyno's pretty pet. in this moment, cyno decides something. ] Are you up for a trip to the city?

[citer]

[ cyno's upset comes like the beginnings of a desert storm. tighnari has never had cause to fear cyno; he does not fear him, now. but he supposes that he understands where cyno is coming from, and where he is hoping to go. if justice is made into a man, what would he do when met with injustice? what if justice is unjust? what then?

the question has his tail flicker. ]

Today? Now?

[cashewlater]

Yes, today.

[ folding his hands, he rests his mouth against them, his expression hard. a thousand thoughts dance behind his eyes, but his lips are tightly closed. ]

It doesn't need to be the city. Anywhere within a day's travel would be fine. Anywhere you want to go, want to see.

[citer]

[ ... ]

Will you be my tour guide?

[cashewlater]

I would accompany you, yes. Unless you'd rather travel alone, but I'd feel better knowing you weren't.

[citer]

I find myself wanting to travel with you. If you have no issue with it, and I have no issue with it, then it should be fine, right?

[ tighnari smiles. ]

I wish to go see the Bimarstan. I heard they have a new skin grafting technique to treat those with Eleazar. There's a doctor there I've been meaning to speak to to see his opinions on it; I wonder if he will have a moment.

[cashewlater]

[ at last, the hard line of cyno's shoulders begins to soften, though a quiet storm still thrashes behind his eyes. still, there's no need for the food to go to waste, so he sees to his sarsheer again, taking a healthy bite. ]

The Bimarstan, then. As you wish. We can leave as soon as we've eaten, and I'm dressed.

[citer]

Oh, so you don't intend to walk out in your night clothes. I wondered.