cashewlater | (no subject)

(no subject)

[ cyno wouldn't have expected he would be back to school again so soon - not with his career keeping him as busy as it does - yet here he is, and he finds that he enjoys the change of pace.

it's not that he hates being an idol, but.. if he's perfectly honest, it wouldn't have been his ideal lifestyle. cyno does this because he's good at it, because it keeps his family happy and financially stable, because he can do some good with the money it makes, and give back. that's good enough for him. but he's also always wanted to finish out his schooling, to get a degree in something he's passionate about - he can't keep up this career forever, after all. he'll need something to fall back on in a few years.

so here he is, experiencing the college life. going to classes. ignoring parties. living with a roommate.

an.. incredibly cute roommate. cyno doesn't often find himself attracted to people - in fact, it's exceedingly rare - but something about tighnari draws him in. he's easy to talk to, honest and forthright, two things that cyno is incredibly fond of. so many people attempt to get on his good side by sucking up, simpering, being ingenuine.. being around someone like tighnari is incredibly refreshing. already it feels as if cyno has known him his whole life, for how well they get on, how their personalities mesh - yet another thing about tighnari that he can appreciate. cyno doesn't.. get along with people very well. he's too distant, too forward, too, oddly enough, awkward.

but he and tighnari are like cake and cream, they complement one another.

so much so that cyno finds that he wants to spend even more time with him, to be around his energy even more than he already is. they study together often, and perhaps cyno asks for clarification more than he needs to, if it means getting a little more of tighnari's attention. the weather is cold at the moment, as winter break approaches, but the two of them are tucked into their dormitory, warm and comfortable, tighnari spread across his bed surrounded by books, while cyno sits against it, his head rested back, chewing on his lip. he's dressed comfortably, with his hair pulled back. ]

I understand now. Thanks.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ cyno does not always pick up on verbal cues, but he certainly reads physical ones very well - he sees the way tighnari's fair skin flushes, how his ears straighten out, how his eyes widen just so. was this.. supposed to be some secret? why? cyno is famous.

still, he's surprised that tighnari would know him nonetheless. many people don't, if they don't follow idol culture, but he supposes that tighnari might've seen his face on a billboard somewhere, and remembered it. ]

You sound nervous.

[ he frowns, a crease in his brow. ]

I hope you know you don't ever need to feel that way, around me.

[ He is nervous, because they have stumbled into something that Tighnari was wholly unprepared to talk to Cyno about. Something that even if his feelings for him came to light, he never planned to tell him. Maybe years and years later, when they could look back and laugh at it, sure, but Tighnari still has the makings of his Cyno shrine beneath the very bed he sleeps on in this apartment. If Cyno were to know what a fanboy he is, especially after what a fuss Tighnari had first made about being uninterested in idol culture...

Well, even his own silliness aside, he would feel dishonest about it. He already does. He doesn't like the idea of keeping anything from Cyno, but even less he likes the idea of making him uncomfortable or weirding him out. It's the lesser of two evils, in this case.

Tighnari swallows against a dry throat. ]

I-I know. You're just...such a big deal. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to know you like I do.

[ Millions would kill to be in his position, yet Tighnari is the one privileged enough to be here with Cyno tonight. Does he deserve it? He doesn't feel like it, not right now. ]

[ i know, tighnari says, but he's still stammering, still sounding nervous. cyno isn't unused to this - his fans are almost always nervous around him, never knowing how to talk to him, but gods, he doesn't want that from tighnari. they're friends. they're close. cyno has so few people he can really call a friend, he doesn't want to lose this connection just because he's an idol.

thoughtlessly, cyno opens his hand and closes it over tighnari's, squeezing gently. ]

Please.. I'm not anything special. I'm just a person, like you. I'm not a big deal.

[ fame and fortune.. cyno never really asked for it, he's just doing what he likes, and sharing it with others, using it to try to make the world a better place, and support the people he cares about. ]

You don't need to treat me any differently. I just want to be around you.

[ there's something almost like.. pleading, in his voice. ]

[ He's so preoccupied with Cyno's worries and distress, that Tighnari doesn't even notice his hand closing over his own. ]

Of course. I would never not want you to be with me.

[ The same aching kind of pleading resounds in Tighnari's voice. He wouldn't give up what he has with Cyno for anything in the world, which is what makes navigating his feelings...difficult. But when Cyno is telling him the same thing, what does he have to be afraid of? Why should he hold back from being entirely open and honest with him?

His heart already belongs to Cyno. His hand is already clinging to his own. Has he just been a fool this whole time, not seeing what is right in front of him? Blinded by infatuation from the truth?

Turning his hand within Cyno's, he slots their fingers together, squeezing tight. ]

I...have something to show you.

[ tighnari's hand turns, weaving their fingers together, and cyno feels his face grow warm again. tighnari's palms and fingers are so soft, so warm.. ]

Hmm?

[ he was distracted, for a moment, by the feel of tighnari's hand in his, by the look in his beautiful eyes that makes cyno's chest feel tight. it's only been a few months, but.. cyno can't help but feel like he's known tighnari all his life, as if he's loved him before, been beside him before. it's a foolish, juvenile feeling, he thinks, but he can't help it.

squeezing tighnari's fingers in return, cyno tilts his head like a curious dog. ]

What do you need to show me?

[ Cyno isn't alone in that. Tighnari isn't one to believe in fate or destiny, but he can't shake the feeling that there is something...meant in all of this. He doesn't know what it is, but perhaps what drew him to Cyno before they met wasn't something so simple as being his fan.

Or maybe he just likes the sound of that better. Whatever the case, Tighnari is rising from the couch, his fingers still threaded through Cyno's, as he tugs him along to urge him to get up and follow him. ]

Come on then, you layabout. You'll see soon enough.

[ He swallows thickly - does he look as nervous as he feels? ]

[ cyno has absolutely no idea what to expect, here.

but he follows nonetheless, like an obedient puppy, their fingers still woven together. it feels.. nice, very nice, to be holding tighnari's hand, and he feels a bit silly for how it affects him. cyno is a grown man, he shouldn't be getting flustered over something so simple as holding hands. but tighnari simply has this effect on him. ]

I'm coming, I'm coming.

[ he follows along, but.. where even are they going?? ]

[ Whoa Cyno, calm down there, don't come just yet!!!

But yes Tighnari is leading him towards their shared bedroom, swallowing against a lump of nerves in his throat. He leads Cyno towards his bed...and then glances back at him, meeting his gaze before letting go of his hand and crouching down. ]

Alright. If this colors your view of me, I understand, but I didn't know how to tell you when we first met.

[ But now...he's ready to come clean.

Reaching beneath his bed, Tighnari pulls out a sizeable box, and lifts the lid off. It is full of Cyno memorabilia and merchandise, albums and trading cards and t-shirts. There's even merch from early tours and appearances - it's clear that this is not a collection that was started recently. ]

[ wow!! he is being such a GENTLEMAN.

cyno has absolutely no idea what's coming. what in the world could tighnari possibly be hiding under his bed that would change cyno's opinion of him? a dead body?? but no, it's a small box. a box full of - ]

Oh.

[ cyno kneels, reaching one hand out to begin fishing through the marchandise, his brows high.. but then he's smiling, soft and easy, a chuckle in his throat. ]

You were a fan?

[ Ah, that's it, it's all over, this is the end. That little "oh" that Cyno utters has Tighnari's blood running cold, and perhaps looking more vulnerable than he ever has before around his roommate, he glances up at Cyno with a wide-eyed look.

He's...smiling?? And laughing??? ]

I think "fan" might be underselling it quite a bit, but...yes. I was.

[ He's going to go die under a rock now, goodbye. ]

[ tighnari's embarrassment is clear. cyno dips his head to catch his eyes, one knuckle beneath tighnari's chin to lift it, just a little. ]

Hey. It's okay.

[ cyno's smile is gentle, easy. ]

You worry too much, you know that? It's cute. I can sign some of these, if you want, unless you don't consider yourself a fan anymore.

[ after meeting your idols in person, things sometimes change, after all.. ]

[ He isn't sure what makes his cheeks burn more - Cyno offering to sign his pile of merch, or the graze of his fingers under his chin.

(It's definitely his fingers under his chin.) ]

N-no, you don't - I mean, I still do, but you don't --

[ He sighs sharply, growing impatient with himself. ]

Sorry. After I met you, I realized I didn't need to focus on collecting anymore, because the time I spent with you was more valuable than any old thing in this box.

[ His tone has grown dangerously fond, his eyes shining as he looks at Cyno with nothing but adoration. ]

[ tighnari looks flushed, and cyno assumes he must be embarrassed, showing off his merch collection like this - is that a plushie? that's definitely not officially licensed - but the way tighnari is looking at him.. it's enough to make cyno's stomach twist and flip.

it's enough to make him rethink what he knows about tighnari, and their relationship. if he's been a fan this entire time.. ]

Tighnari, I -

[ cyno's breath rushes, and he presses his lips firmly together, his knuckles still lingering beneath tighnari's chin. gods, he wants to kiss him - but would it be taking advantage of him? cyno's always been careful to never get too close with fans, not because he doesn't appreciate them, but because he thinks it would be unfair, that he'd be, even inadvertently, using his status for pleasure. it's never felt right. but he and tighnari have known one another for months now - it's.. it's different, isn't it? is it?

it's got to be. he wants so badly for it to be. before he knows it, cyno is leaning close, pressing their mouths together, slipping his fingers into tighnari's dark hair. ]

[ It's...strange. How Tighnari can see it as it's happening, as if from an outside view, as Cyno moves closer, and closer, and closer still, his fingers slipping into his hair, his gaze darting down to his mouth. He knows what's about to happen, there's only one thing that could happen now, and yet...he finds himself utterly surprised. Taken aback, as the reality of it hits him with the gentle pressure of Cyno's lips. Cyno is kissing him. Cyno. His idol, his roommate, his dearest friend. Cyno, who has held his heart far longer than he could ever possibly know.

Cyno, who he has loved since that first awkward joke on the day he moved in.

A soft sound moves between their mouths, and Tighnari responds in kind, kissing him back, arms winding around his shoulders, unwilling to relinquish this closeness now that it has finally been attained. It feels like they've been building to this the whole time, since the moment they met, but especially tonight, with those precious, warm moments earlier. He thinks again of the way Cyno's stomach had looked when he stretched, and his face flushes with heat.

He should break off the kiss, they should talk about this...about what this is, but he doesn't want to. Not yet. ]

Edited 2023-01-14 18:22 (UTC)

[ perhaps they should talk about this, and they will, he thinks, in time, but first..

.. first he wants this, he wants to kiss tighnari, to learn how he tastes, how his lips feel, how warm they must be, how warm they are. tighnari's arms slip around his shoulders, and cyno leans forward, tilting his head to slot their mouths together a little more precisely, and so he can slide his arms around tighnari's waist, pulling him a little bit closer. cyno's fingertips tingle with the urge to haul tighnari right into his lap, but that would be too much, too fast - even this feels overwhelming. cyno has never kissed someone that he's had such strong feelings for, before.

and he hadn't been brave enough to kiss tighnari before this. or rather, he'd wanted to be respectful. perhaps too respectful, perhaps he should have done this long ago.

but better late than never, and this moment feels right. it feels good. cyno breathes a low sound into the kiss, one hand sliding up the back of tighnari's sweater to slip into his hair, fingers splayed to cradle his head. gods, he's wanted this for so long. cyno all but aches for him. when the kiss breaks, he sucks in a breath, nudging their noses together. ]

'Nari..

[ To say that it takes his breath away would be a massive understatement. How many times has he, Tighnari, pragmatic and reasonable and responsible, daydreamed about this very thing? About Cyno sweeping him up into his arms, and kissing him intently - not a simple peck, but a warm, open-mouthed kiss that makes his heart race in his chest. Cyno's arms are around him, and his arms are full of Cyno. He is everything, all around him, the moon to his sun.

When Cyno breaks off the kiss, Tighnari chases his lips for but a moment, his face flushing with heat, even as they share the same lingering breath to refill their gasping lungs. ]

Cyno, I...

[ A soft laugh bubbles up past his lips. He feels giddy, and joyfully young. ]

I can't tell you how long I've wanted you to do that.

[ that sweet, soft laugh buoys cyno's heart, and he finds himself smiling despite himself, warm and easy as he nudges their noses affectionately together again. ]

Oh?

[ him and thousands of other fans, he supposes, but.. tighnari is different, tighnari knows him, at least.. cyno thinks he does. uncertainty sits like a cold pit in his stomach, dragging the moment down, and cyno presses their foreheads together. ]

Tighnari, I.. I really like you.

[ that much is obvious, by now, given the tingle still on his lips, and the way his hands move now down tighnari's arms, slow and measured. ]

And I just.. I want you to like me for the right reasons. Because you know who I am, because I'm a person, not an idea.

[ nothing frightens him more than that deep, dark feeling of being alone in a crowd. so many people might want to take tighnari's place right now, but cyno - he just wants to be close to someone real, someone who likes him because of the way he has to trim his nails fastidiously, someone who likes him because he talks in his sleep and likes his pizza cold, someone who appreciates him because they know him, as a person, not as a far off, unreachable ideal. and as cute as it is that tighnari is.. was? a fan, it opens up a well of insecurity beneath his feet. ]

I want you to like me because I'm.. me.

Oh, you sweet fool. You don’t need to worry about that.

[ Though Tighnari is hardly surprised that he is. Cyno is someone who has far fewer personal connections than he deserves, and for how aloof he can be, he is warm, and gentle, and has so much love in his heart to share. He deserves so much more, whether or not he would want it.

But Tighnari knows his feelings are genuine, because he feels now, burning in his breast, is so unlike what he used to feel when listening to his music or looking at his picture. When he was an idea, and not Cyno, his Cyno.

His fingers snag Cyno’s when they reach his, a teasing but sweet smile on his lips. ]

You being an idol didn’t win me over. It was the awkward joke you told on the first day you moved in.

[ you don't need to worry about that.

those words lighten a heavy burden in cyno's heart, and he releases a breath he had hardly realized he had been holding. most might scoff at the idea that a man of so much privilege would have hardships - and they might be right to, he does have a lot of privilege - but nevertheless, cyno is.. lonely. he has been, for a long time. his work keeps him so busy, and he's constantly surrounded by people, but do any of them really know him? do any of them care about anything beyond what he can do for them?

it's never bothered him, before. cyno enjoys what he does. but.. meeting tighnari has changed so very much. it's made him realize and notice the things he's never had, it's made him ache for the companionship he's never felt. when those warm fingers snag his own, cyno is quick to thread their fingers together, a soft chuckle on his lips as he slowly drags their noses alongside one another. ]

.. I want to kiss you again.

[ Hearing Cyno say that, words that Tighnari has ached to hear him say for so long, but feared he was too foolish for wanting to hear them - it makes a warm smile bloom on Tighnari’s face, his lips curling against the hollow of Cyno’s cheek as he inhales the scent of his skin. It’s become so familiar now… ]

Not if I kiss you first.

[ Gods, what a foolish thing to say, but he’s never been happier to be a fool, pressing his mouth again to Cyno’s, his fingers snagging in the front of his hoodie, tilting his head so their mouths slot together. He can’t help but reflect in the back of his mind just how perfectly their mouths fit together, which also makes him feel foolish, but he can’t bring himself to care.

He parts his lips, coaxing Cyno’s open in turn, deepening the kiss. ]

[ cyno wouldn't call it a foolish thing to say, but it's certainly silly enough to make him crack a smile before their lips meet again.

it's even better, the second time. instantly, a shiver shoots down cyno's spine, and he groans, soft and quiet against tighnari's mouth, especially once he feels those soft lips part, drawing a rough exhale from cyno, the kiss pushing deeper. cyno obeys without question, his mouth opening against tighnari's, his tongue already questing, dipping into tighnari's mouth and gods, he tastes so good, and the slippery texture of his mouth lights a primal fire in cyno's belly.

thoughtlessly, his hands at tighnari's sides slip around to his back, bunching in his sweater and tugging, pulling him nearer, all but into cyno's lap, eager to have him nearer, to feel him close, warm and solid and real. it would be a lie to say that cyno hasn't though of this before, a hundred times before, imagining what tighnari's mouth would taste like, how warm his body would feel against cyno's own.. but his thoughts can hold no comparison to the real thing. ]

'Nari..

[ he murmurs, his left hand slipping up into that dark hair, thumbing at the base of one soft, sensitive ear. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only