you don't listen anyways; i'll be quiet, i don't really feel like fighting

[cashewlater]

It's.. fine, Tighnari.

[ it isn't fine. it's never fine, when this happens, and it's always clear, exactly what is going on. cyno's home situation has never been good, never been comfortable, but cyno plows through it, because he has no other choice, because soon, he'll be eighteen, and he won't need to deal with this ever again. though he has no memories of his mother, cyno can't help but think that his father had been a happy man, back then, before she left him alone with a squalling babe. that he hadn't simply given cyno up to the system is a miracle in and of itself, one that cyno's father is always sure to remind him of. he drinks, and slurs, and slams cyno to the wall.

i kept you, when your own mother didn't even want you. you owe me, kid. ]

I just got into a fight. That's all.

[ which isn't necessarily an untruth, even if cyno still feels incredibly guilty keeping the reality of it from tighnari, but what else is there to say? he can't tell him the truth, even if it's as clear as the bruise around his eye. beneath his oversized hoodie, his ribs ache. cyno shifts from foot to foot, where they stand at the entrance to tighnari's home, adjusting his backpack, fiddling with his thick, fluffy hair to better cover his bruised eye. he chews his lower lip, worrying at the golden stud there. ]

Anyway, I'll.. see you tomorrow, yeah?

Comments

[tighnauri]

Tighnari sags a little, like the wind is knocked out of him a bit.

"That's why they'll help... they can help," Tighnari says softly, his eyes closing tightly and his parents care about Cyno. They would know what to do if Tighnari and Cyno went to them. He knows they would.

"So much can happen in two months, Cyno," he says quietly, resisting the urge to tighten his arms around him.

[cashewlater]

Cyno hates disappointing him, hates that look on Tighnari's face, but.. what is he expected to do? How can he explain to Tighnari that he'll be just fine? That he doesn't need to worry?

"It.. it's really not that bad," he says, carefully lifting Tighnari's chin with his knuckles. "You're worrying too much. My dad just - he.. he has a bad temper sometimes, but it doesn't - he doesn't.." Gods, he sounds pathetic even to his own ears.

[tighnauri]

It's not so much disappointment really as worry and the helplessness of being able to do anything for the other at all. He feels his eyes burning a little but he doesn't want to cry, Cyno shouldn't have to be comforting him when Cyno is the one being harmed by someone that's supposed to love and take care of him no matter what.

"Just be honest, Cyno."

[cashewlater]

Being honest is usually quite easy for him. He's an honest person by nature. But this..

Being honest about this is difficult, because Cyno is not even honest with himself when it comes to his relationship with his father. Swallowing thickly, he looks away, one hand moving over his sore ribs, clutching. "I.. it's just -"

What can he even say?

"I don't want your parents to know. I don't want anyone to know. It's.. it's humiliating."

[tighnauri]

Tighnari crosses his legs on the bed and watches Cyno. He wants to curl up to him and cuddle like they do sometimes but he’s worried about hurting him. He’s worrying more and more about that each passing week it seems like... Does cyno not see how it’s been getting worse?

“The only person who should be humiliated is your sperm donor,” Tighnari says sharply, narrowing his eyes, his ears pressing flat. “He could seriously hurt you, Cyno... I don’t want to gamble on that. I don’t want to see you get hurt. You don’t deserve this.”

He sighs and his hands are balled into fists pressing down against his own thighs.

“My parents could help you. They wouldn’t ask any questions.” It’s not that hard to see what’s happening after all. If Tighnari said Cyno needs help they would believe him and they would believe Cyno.

[cashewlater]

Tighnari says as much, but.. Cyno still can't help but feel as if this is his fault, that he should be embarrassed for being a bad son, for not having a nice home and good parents and a normal life.

Hot tears sting the corners of his eyes, and Cyno sucks in a deep breath, blinking them rapidly back. Tighnari promises something wonderful, a warm, happy life where he doesn't need to worry about having his ribs broken for making a mistake, where he could have parents that love and support him - ah, what a bitter taste it is, that coats his tongue. How could he possibly ask Tighnari's parents to intervene on his behalf? Besides..

"He's.. the police chief, Tighnari. No one will believe me. Everyone thinks he's some.. some upstanding guy, and I'm just his punk kid."

[tighnauri]

Tighnari resists the urge still to launch himself at Cyno and hug him tightly when he sees the expression on the other's face, when he sees the tears. It's not fair! None of this is fair.

"How could they not believe it? There's proof all over you!"

[cashewlater]

Cyno's gaze drops, shame clear in his expression. He hugs his arms around his middle, hunching his shoulders, making himself look as small as he feels.

".. what if you're wrong? What if no one believes me?"

He'll take it out on Cyno, he'll beat him senseless for daring to speak out.

[tighnauri]

"I believe you. My parents will believe you. Why wouldn't other people?" Tighnari sighs softly and he knows he can't make Cyno do this but he's struggling on how he can help and he does feel a need to help.

[cashewlater]

Cyno's eyes are down, his heart thumping so hard in his chest that he's sure it's audible. It must be. It's pounding in his ears. He's never really defied his father, never allowed himself to, and the idea is.. terrifying. Tighnari can't understand, the influence his father has, how much the public trusts him..

Leaning forward, still hugging his arms to his chest, he touches his forehead to Tighnari's.

"I'm afraid."

[tighnauri]

Tighnari can't understand and it frustrates him. He just wants to make things better, he wants Cyno to be safe. He's so scared it's going to be too late before he can get away.

"I am too. I don't know how to help you, Cyno..."

[cashewlater]

"I don't - "

Need you to help me, he wants to say, but he knows that isn't what Tighnari wants to hear. Swallowing thickly, he drops his gaze downward. He doesn't want to disappoint him, doesn't want to make Tighnari angry or upset, but.. what is there to be done?

"Just.. just let me think about it.."

[tighnauri]

"Cyno…” Tighnari bites the inside of his cheek and he’s afraid to push it too far. He’s afraid if he doesn’t push enough and something happens… He curls his hands into fists, his ears pressing against his head.

“You know you don’t deserve any of it… right?”

[cashewlater]

He sees Tighnari's frustration, and he hates it, hates that he's put his best friend into a position like this when really Cyno should be handling it alone, shouldn't be dragging anyone else into it..

But those words - they finally crack him. Cyno gasps softly, his chest tightening, wetness springing to his eyes, burning and stinging. He looks down, hugging his arms close to his chest, tears rolling down, dripping onto his jeans. "I.. but I.."

Of course he deserves it. If he were just better behaved, if he were a better person, a better son..

[tighnauri]

The last thing Cyno should be doing is having to handle this alone. And he's not because Tighnari's not ever going to let him. He's frozen for a moment when Cyno begins to cry. It seems so... wrong. Cyno is so strong and he... just isn't someone that should have to cry like this.

Tighnari soon snaps into motion and quickly wraps his arms around Cyno tightly. He presses Cyno's face to his shoulder, a gentle hand rubbing his back.

"But nothing. You don't deserve this."

[cashewlater]

Tighnari's arms close around him, so warm and gentle, and Cyno shudders, before he's leaning into the comfort of it, pressing his face into Tighnari's shoulder. He smells so good.. so sweet and familiar, so wonderfully nice, floral and clean, with a hint of musky fur. He knows this scent so well.

But this comfort - it breaks him. Cyno's breath shivers, and he sobs softly, quietly, hot tears rolling onto Tighnari's shirt, soaking the fabric as he allows himself to cry for the first time in years. His arms slip around Tighnari's middle, squeezing, holding close to him, as close as he possibly can.

[tighnauri]

Tighnari is glad that he can at least offer this. It doesn't fix anything at all and that makes him angry but if it gives Cyno even a moment of comfort and reprieve than he would hold him all day. He rubs his back gentle and allows the other to hold onto him, to cry on his shoulder. He holds him more carefully, worried he might worsen one of his injuries but he just nuzzles his head against Cyno's as the other holds him tight and close.

"You deserve so much better, Cyno," he murmurs softly. He'd do anything to give him that.

[cashewlater]

Does he? Does he deserve better? It's so hard to believe that. If he deserves better, why, then, is this happening to him? Why is there no justice in the world? It had been so much easier to deal with all of this while working under the assumption that he had it coming, that this was all what he deserved.

But now Tighnari is holding him so close, Cyno can hardly stand the tenderness. His shoulders shake silently, his face pressed into that shoulder, but soon enough his tears begin to dry up, and he's left sniffling, quiet as he lays against Tighnari.

[tighnauri]

Tighnari holds him through it all and as the other cries he does his best to blink back his own tears. He wants to be strong for him. He wishes he could be strong enough to protect him and to make him believe all the words that he's saying to him.

He presses a soft kiss to the side of his temple when the other seems to calm.

[cashewlater]

Cyno can't help but feel a little silly for this, for allowing himself to cry in front of Tighnari.. he's always trying so hard to be strong, to tough it out, that breaking down just feels wrong. Like he should be trying harder to tough it out.

But Tighnari is so gentle, kissing his temple in a way that makes him sigh. Slowly, Cyno begins to relax. ".. sorry. I got your shirt wet."

[tighnauri]

"It's okay. You can get my shirt wet anytime, Cyno," Tighnari says with the hint of a smile tugging at his lips. He reaches for his hand, lacing their fingers together.

"I'm here for you."

[cashewlater]

Their fingers slide together, and Cyno glances upward and into Tighnari's face, his eyes wet and red-rimmed. He looks open and vulnerable in a way that Tighnari has likely never seen before either, in a way that Cyno never shows, even to those closest to him. He gives Tighnari's hand a gentle squeeze.

".. I know. Thanks, Tighnari. I don't know what I'd do without you."

[tighnauri]

"I really wish you could spend the night," Tighnari says quietly. Or that Cyno could get some proper medical care or just get away from his father forever.

[cashewlater]

"I can spend the night, I just - " he says softly, then glances aside, ashamed of his fear. "If I don't tell him.. it'll just piss him off."

[tighnauri]

Tighnari's eyes lit up at Cyno relenting but there's still worry that clouds them again.

"Okay, then what you think is best is what we'll do."