cashewlater | (no subject)

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[ cyno wouldn't have expected he would be back to school again so soon - not with his career keeping him as busy as it does - yet here he is, and he finds that he enjoys the change of pace.

it's not that he hates being an idol, but.. if he's perfectly honest, it wouldn't have been his ideal lifestyle. cyno does this because he's good at it, because it keeps his family happy and financially stable, because he can do some good with the money it makes, and give back. that's good enough for him. but he's also always wanted to finish out his schooling, to get a degree in something he's passionate about - he can't keep up this career forever, after all. he'll need something to fall back on in a few years.

so here he is, experiencing the college life. going to classes. ignoring parties. living with a roommate.

an.. incredibly cute roommate. cyno doesn't often find himself attracted to people - in fact, it's exceedingly rare - but something about tighnari draws him in. he's easy to talk to, honest and forthright, two things that cyno is incredibly fond of. so many people attempt to get on his good side by sucking up, simpering, being ingenuine.. being around someone like tighnari is incredibly refreshing. already it feels as if cyno has known him his whole life, for how well they get on, how their personalities mesh - yet another thing about tighnari that he can appreciate. cyno doesn't.. get along with people very well. he's too distant, too forward, too, oddly enough, awkward.

but he and tighnari are like cake and cream, they complement one another.

so much so that cyno finds that he wants to spend even more time with him, to be around his energy even more than he already is. they study together often, and perhaps cyno asks for clarification more than he needs to, if it means getting a little more of tighnari's attention. the weather is cold at the moment, as winter break approaches, but the two of them are tucked into their dormitory, warm and comfortable, tighnari spread across his bed surrounded by books, while cyno sits against it, his head rested back, chewing on his lip. he's dressed comfortably, with his hair pulled back. ]

I understand now. Thanks.

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[ It is pretty emotive for Cyno!! Tighnari is so proud of him. He's come out of his shell so much since they first met, even if the terrible jokes have never changed. Anyway, yes, Tighnari also relaxes further as they watch the movie and eat pizza, oozing back near Cyno's side, resisting the urge to curl right up against him. It's just cool enough with the late autumn air, but he can't even entertain the possibility. Especially not tonight, when things were already a little tense earlier.

By the time the credits roll, even Tighnari feels warm and fuzzy with Christmas cheer, and the pizza box is empty, as are their glasses of tea. All in all, a successful movie night.

Turning over on his side, Tighnari props his head up on his palm, gazing at Cyno sleepily. ]

Well? Are you feeling sufficiently relaxed?

[ cyno takes a deep, satisfying breath, his weight sagging back against the cushions before tighnari turns back to him, his eyelids low and sleepy, his expression so soft that it makes cyno's heart twist behind his ribs. little does he know that his own expression is much the same, all soft around the edges, his molten eyes heavily lidded as he meets tighnari's tender gaze. ]

Yeah. I think so.

[ he murmurs, pale hair tumbling into his eyes, a gentle smile slanting his mouth. it's so tempting to touch him, to reach out and drag his thumb across tighnari's cheek, and they're so damnably close that it would be so, so easy to dip his head down and capture those soft, pouting lips -

cyno's face flushes hot. ]

You sleepy?

[ Cyno isn't the only one thinking along those lines. Tighnari hadn't realized just how close they had moved to one another during the movie, but now that it's over and he has turned to face him, it's all he can think about. His knee just barely touches Cyno's thigh, and if he lifts his fingers just a little, he would be able to just graze the inside of Cyno's wrists -

Dangerous thoughts to be having when he is already feeling sleepy and comfortable. Daydreams might just melt into his suggestible mind a bit too much. ]

Hm?

[ He's been staring into Cyno's eyes for far too long without looking away. ]

Oh. A bit. I don't think I'll be rushing off to bed, though. I'll throw off my schedule too much. You?

Mm. Just a little.

[ tighnari looks so wonderfully gentle for him, his abrasive edges all softened down, and cyno can't help but be a little bit.. proud, to know him. to have wriggled his way past tighnari's spiky defenses to get to know the warm heart beneath. tighnari is strong and fierce, but he's also kind, a good person beneath his strict demeanor. how was cyno expected not to fall for him?

he swallows thickly, his gaze flicking over tighnari's eyes, down to his mouth, lingering there for a few moments before moving upward again. they shouldn't be this close, not after that near miss earlier, when cyno almost gave himself away and shattered the idyllic warmth of their relationship. ]

I don't want to sleep yet.

[ There's a moment where Tighnari could swear Cyno is looking down at his lips, and Tighnari's heart thunders suddenly against his throat, his imagination running wild in that singular moment, with how close they are, how...meaningful that look seems to be. But it can't be as meaningful as Tighnari wants it to be. That's just foolish, and he hates to feel a fool. He needs to get his head on straight, and stop losing himself in daydreams about what it would be like to lean in and press his mouth to Cyno's.

But what a good dream it is... ]

Me neither.

[ Tighnari murmurs, momentarily preoccupied with deciding where to put his hands, and eventually setting one against his stomach, the other curled between them. ]

I enjoy my time with you too much to sleep.

[ Cyno already knows this, Tighnari has said as much before, but when they're like this, in close quarters occupying one another's intimate space, there's is certainly an extra meaning attached.

Whether or not Tighnari even intends it that way, or Cyno picks up on it is another story. ]

[ this is like torture.

cyno's throat bobs as he swallows, his face flushing even warmer still, though he hopes his darker complexion hides it well enough that tighnari won't see the heat that floods his cheeks and ears and neck. why did he put his hair up? it would hide so much more if it were down. chewing on his lower lip, his snakebite studs flash in the light. ]

.. so do I.

[ he starts, then stammers a little. ]

E-enjoy my time with you, I mean.

[ he's so bad at this. cyno's been approached by hundreds of thirsty fans before, but he's never really thought much of it, never wanted any of them, because he didn't know them. so he has no idea what to do here, no way of knowing for sure whether or not tighnari feels the same way that he does. he can't possibly, can he? tighnari is way out of his league, he's so smart and strong and sharp, so fearless and beautiful..

between them, cyno's pinky brushes against tighnari's, gently linking them. ]

I'm.. really glad we met.

[ Taken as he is by the depth of Cyno's golden eyes, Tighnari doesn't realize at first when Cyno links their pinkies together, even if the contact alone is enough to rattle his heart further. That can't mean...no, that's foolish.

But how long can he make these excuses to himself? ]

Me, too.

[ His tail continues to thump behind him against the couch, slow and lazy, a purr low in his throat. He is more warm and comfortable than he can recall being for a long, long time. What more could he ask for than to be where he is right now, in this moment? It's wonderful. Perfect.

Cyno is wonderful and perfect. Every bit the man Tighnari idolized him for being, and so, so much more. ]

I always knew you were special, even before we met.

[ it's such a nice moment, warm and welcoming, the two of them close and comfortable on the sofa, so close that cyno can smell tighnari's skin. so close that he can see the beautiful greens and browns in his eyes.

maybe it's worth the risk. maybe he'll just.. lean forward, close the small distance between them, and learn for himself just how tighnari's mouth tastes, how his lips feel. he wants to know so badly. he wants to know how his kiss feels, he wants to know how soft his skin and fur are, he wants to know what his skin tastes like -

but then he stops, and blinks. ]

Before we met?

[ he looks quizzical, before he hums softly. ]

Well.. I suppose you must've known who I was.

[ What if he did just that? Cyno isn't the only one thinking about it - but then Tighnari realizes he's slipped up, and immediately, his face flushes red, his ears standing up straight and his tail laying flat. Oh. Oh no...

His reaction has probably given him away far more than anything he said did. ]

Ah - y-yes, I...I did. How could I not?

[ It's definitely not that he was an obsessive fanboy with a Cyno shrine before they met!!! His face is positively radiating heat, and he can almost feel the way that Cyno is about to misinterpret his reaction. But what else can he say?

If he tells him the truth, will he just be completely weirded out? ]

[ cyno does not always pick up on verbal cues, but he certainly reads physical ones very well - he sees the way tighnari's fair skin flushes, how his ears straighten out, how his eyes widen just so. was this.. supposed to be some secret? why? cyno is famous.

still, he's surprised that tighnari would know him nonetheless. many people don't, if they don't follow idol culture, but he supposes that tighnari might've seen his face on a billboard somewhere, and remembered it. ]

You sound nervous.

[ he frowns, a crease in his brow. ]

I hope you know you don't ever need to feel that way, around me.

[ He is nervous, because they have stumbled into something that Tighnari was wholly unprepared to talk to Cyno about. Something that even if his feelings for him came to light, he never planned to tell him. Maybe years and years later, when they could look back and laugh at it, sure, but Tighnari still has the makings of his Cyno shrine beneath the very bed he sleeps on in this apartment. If Cyno were to know what a fanboy he is, especially after what a fuss Tighnari had first made about being uninterested in idol culture...

Well, even his own silliness aside, he would feel dishonest about it. He already does. He doesn't like the idea of keeping anything from Cyno, but even less he likes the idea of making him uncomfortable or weirding him out. It's the lesser of two evils, in this case.

Tighnari swallows against a dry throat. ]

I-I know. You're just...such a big deal. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to know you like I do.

[ Millions would kill to be in his position, yet Tighnari is the one privileged enough to be here with Cyno tonight. Does he deserve it? He doesn't feel like it, not right now. ]

[ i know, tighnari says, but he's still stammering, still sounding nervous. cyno isn't unused to this - his fans are almost always nervous around him, never knowing how to talk to him, but gods, he doesn't want that from tighnari. they're friends. they're close. cyno has so few people he can really call a friend, he doesn't want to lose this connection just because he's an idol.

thoughtlessly, cyno opens his hand and closes it over tighnari's, squeezing gently. ]

Please.. I'm not anything special. I'm just a person, like you. I'm not a big deal.

[ fame and fortune.. cyno never really asked for it, he's just doing what he likes, and sharing it with others, using it to try to make the world a better place, and support the people he cares about. ]

You don't need to treat me any differently. I just want to be around you.

[ there's something almost like.. pleading, in his voice. ]

[ He's so preoccupied with Cyno's worries and distress, that Tighnari doesn't even notice his hand closing over his own. ]

Of course. I would never not want you to be with me.

[ The same aching kind of pleading resounds in Tighnari's voice. He wouldn't give up what he has with Cyno for anything in the world, which is what makes navigating his feelings...difficult. But when Cyno is telling him the same thing, what does he have to be afraid of? Why should he hold back from being entirely open and honest with him?

His heart already belongs to Cyno. His hand is already clinging to his own. Has he just been a fool this whole time, not seeing what is right in front of him? Blinded by infatuation from the truth?

Turning his hand within Cyno's, he slots their fingers together, squeezing tight. ]

I...have something to show you.

[ tighnari's hand turns, weaving their fingers together, and cyno feels his face grow warm again. tighnari's palms and fingers are so soft, so warm.. ]

Hmm?

[ he was distracted, for a moment, by the feel of tighnari's hand in his, by the look in his beautiful eyes that makes cyno's chest feel tight. it's only been a few months, but.. cyno can't help but feel like he's known tighnari all his life, as if he's loved him before, been beside him before. it's a foolish, juvenile feeling, he thinks, but he can't help it.

squeezing tighnari's fingers in return, cyno tilts his head like a curious dog. ]

What do you need to show me?

[ Cyno isn't alone in that. Tighnari isn't one to believe in fate or destiny, but he can't shake the feeling that there is something...meant in all of this. He doesn't know what it is, but perhaps what drew him to Cyno before they met wasn't something so simple as being his fan.

Or maybe he just likes the sound of that better. Whatever the case, Tighnari is rising from the couch, his fingers still threaded through Cyno's, as he tugs him along to urge him to get up and follow him. ]

Come on then, you layabout. You'll see soon enough.

[ He swallows thickly - does he look as nervous as he feels? ]

[ cyno has absolutely no idea what to expect, here.

but he follows nonetheless, like an obedient puppy, their fingers still woven together. it feels.. nice, very nice, to be holding tighnari's hand, and he feels a bit silly for how it affects him. cyno is a grown man, he shouldn't be getting flustered over something so simple as holding hands. but tighnari simply has this effect on him. ]

I'm coming, I'm coming.

[ he follows along, but.. where even are they going?? ]

[ Whoa Cyno, calm down there, don't come just yet!!!

But yes Tighnari is leading him towards their shared bedroom, swallowing against a lump of nerves in his throat. He leads Cyno towards his bed...and then glances back at him, meeting his gaze before letting go of his hand and crouching down. ]

Alright. If this colors your view of me, I understand, but I didn't know how to tell you when we first met.

[ But now...he's ready to come clean.

Reaching beneath his bed, Tighnari pulls out a sizeable box, and lifts the lid off. It is full of Cyno memorabilia and merchandise, albums and trading cards and t-shirts. There's even merch from early tours and appearances - it's clear that this is not a collection that was started recently. ]

[ wow!! he is being such a GENTLEMAN.

cyno has absolutely no idea what's coming. what in the world could tighnari possibly be hiding under his bed that would change cyno's opinion of him? a dead body?? but no, it's a small box. a box full of - ]

Oh.

[ cyno kneels, reaching one hand out to begin fishing through the marchandise, his brows high.. but then he's smiling, soft and easy, a chuckle in his throat. ]

You were a fan?

[ Ah, that's it, it's all over, this is the end. That little "oh" that Cyno utters has Tighnari's blood running cold, and perhaps looking more vulnerable than he ever has before around his roommate, he glances up at Cyno with a wide-eyed look.

He's...smiling?? And laughing??? ]

I think "fan" might be underselling it quite a bit, but...yes. I was.

[ He's going to go die under a rock now, goodbye. ]

[ tighnari's embarrassment is clear. cyno dips his head to catch his eyes, one knuckle beneath tighnari's chin to lift it, just a little. ]

Hey. It's okay.

[ cyno's smile is gentle, easy. ]

You worry too much, you know that? It's cute. I can sign some of these, if you want, unless you don't consider yourself a fan anymore.

[ after meeting your idols in person, things sometimes change, after all.. ]

[ He isn't sure what makes his cheeks burn more - Cyno offering to sign his pile of merch, or the graze of his fingers under his chin.

(It's definitely his fingers under his chin.) ]

N-no, you don't - I mean, I still do, but you don't --

[ He sighs sharply, growing impatient with himself. ]

Sorry. After I met you, I realized I didn't need to focus on collecting anymore, because the time I spent with you was more valuable than any old thing in this box.

[ His tone has grown dangerously fond, his eyes shining as he looks at Cyno with nothing but adoration. ]

[ tighnari looks flushed, and cyno assumes he must be embarrassed, showing off his merch collection like this - is that a plushie? that's definitely not officially licensed - but the way tighnari is looking at him.. it's enough to make cyno's stomach twist and flip.

it's enough to make him rethink what he knows about tighnari, and their relationship. if he's been a fan this entire time.. ]

Tighnari, I -

[ cyno's breath rushes, and he presses his lips firmly together, his knuckles still lingering beneath tighnari's chin. gods, he wants to kiss him - but would it be taking advantage of him? cyno's always been careful to never get too close with fans, not because he doesn't appreciate them, but because he thinks it would be unfair, that he'd be, even inadvertently, using his status for pleasure. it's never felt right. but he and tighnari have known one another for months now - it's.. it's different, isn't it? is it?

it's got to be. he wants so badly for it to be. before he knows it, cyno is leaning close, pressing their mouths together, slipping his fingers into tighnari's dark hair. ]

[ It's...strange. How Tighnari can see it as it's happening, as if from an outside view, as Cyno moves closer, and closer, and closer still, his fingers slipping into his hair, his gaze darting down to his mouth. He knows what's about to happen, there's only one thing that could happen now, and yet...he finds himself utterly surprised. Taken aback, as the reality of it hits him with the gentle pressure of Cyno's lips. Cyno is kissing him. Cyno. His idol, his roommate, his dearest friend. Cyno, who has held his heart far longer than he could ever possibly know.

Cyno, who he has loved since that first awkward joke on the day he moved in.

A soft sound moves between their mouths, and Tighnari responds in kind, kissing him back, arms winding around his shoulders, unwilling to relinquish this closeness now that it has finally been attained. It feels like they've been building to this the whole time, since the moment they met, but especially tonight, with those precious, warm moments earlier. He thinks again of the way Cyno's stomach had looked when he stretched, and his face flushes with heat.

He should break off the kiss, they should talk about this...about what this is, but he doesn't want to. Not yet. ]

Edited 2023-01-14 18:22 (UTC)

[ perhaps they should talk about this, and they will, he thinks, in time, but first..

.. first he wants this, he wants to kiss tighnari, to learn how he tastes, how his lips feel, how warm they must be, how warm they are. tighnari's arms slip around his shoulders, and cyno leans forward, tilting his head to slot their mouths together a little more precisely, and so he can slide his arms around tighnari's waist, pulling him a little bit closer. cyno's fingertips tingle with the urge to haul tighnari right into his lap, but that would be too much, too fast - even this feels overwhelming. cyno has never kissed someone that he's had such strong feelings for, before.

and he hadn't been brave enough to kiss tighnari before this. or rather, he'd wanted to be respectful. perhaps too respectful, perhaps he should have done this long ago.

but better late than never, and this moment feels right. it feels good. cyno breathes a low sound into the kiss, one hand sliding up the back of tighnari's sweater to slip into his hair, fingers splayed to cradle his head. gods, he's wanted this for so long. cyno all but aches for him. when the kiss breaks, he sucks in a breath, nudging their noses together. ]

'Nari..

[ To say that it takes his breath away would be a massive understatement. How many times has he, Tighnari, pragmatic and reasonable and responsible, daydreamed about this very thing? About Cyno sweeping him up into his arms, and kissing him intently - not a simple peck, but a warm, open-mouthed kiss that makes his heart race in his chest. Cyno's arms are around him, and his arms are full of Cyno. He is everything, all around him, the moon to his sun.

When Cyno breaks off the kiss, Tighnari chases his lips for but a moment, his face flushing with heat, even as they share the same lingering breath to refill their gasping lungs. ]

Cyno, I...

[ A soft laugh bubbles up past his lips. He feels giddy, and joyfully young. ]

I can't tell you how long I've wanted you to do that.

[ that sweet, soft laugh buoys cyno's heart, and he finds himself smiling despite himself, warm and easy as he nudges their noses affectionately together again. ]

Oh?

[ him and thousands of other fans, he supposes, but.. tighnari is different, tighnari knows him, at least.. cyno thinks he does. uncertainty sits like a cold pit in his stomach, dragging the moment down, and cyno presses their foreheads together. ]

Tighnari, I.. I really like you.

[ that much is obvious, by now, given the tingle still on his lips, and the way his hands move now down tighnari's arms, slow and measured. ]

And I just.. I want you to like me for the right reasons. Because you know who I am, because I'm a person, not an idea.

[ nothing frightens him more than that deep, dark feeling of being alone in a crowd. so many people might want to take tighnari's place right now, but cyno - he just wants to be close to someone real, someone who likes him because of the way he has to trim his nails fastidiously, someone who likes him because he talks in his sleep and likes his pizza cold, someone who appreciates him because they know him, as a person, not as a far off, unreachable ideal. and as cute as it is that tighnari is.. was? a fan, it opens up a well of insecurity beneath his feet. ]

I want you to like me because I'm.. me.

Oh, you sweet fool. You don’t need to worry about that.

[ Though Tighnari is hardly surprised that he is. Cyno is someone who has far fewer personal connections than he deserves, and for how aloof he can be, he is warm, and gentle, and has so much love in his heart to share. He deserves so much more, whether or not he would want it.

But Tighnari knows his feelings are genuine, because he feels now, burning in his breast, is so unlike what he used to feel when listening to his music or looking at his picture. When he was an idea, and not Cyno, his Cyno.

His fingers snag Cyno’s when they reach his, a teasing but sweet smile on his lips. ]

You being an idol didn’t win me over. It was the awkward joke you told on the first day you moved in.

[ you don't need to worry about that.

those words lighten a heavy burden in cyno's heart, and he releases a breath he had hardly realized he had been holding. most might scoff at the idea that a man of so much privilege would have hardships - and they might be right to, he does have a lot of privilege - but nevertheless, cyno is.. lonely. he has been, for a long time. his work keeps him so busy, and he's constantly surrounded by people, but do any of them really know him? do any of them care about anything beyond what he can do for them?

it's never bothered him, before. cyno enjoys what he does. but.. meeting tighnari has changed so very much. it's made him realize and notice the things he's never had, it's made him ache for the companionship he's never felt. when those warm fingers snag his own, cyno is quick to thread their fingers together, a soft chuckle on his lips as he slowly drags their noses alongside one another. ]

.. I want to kiss you again.

[ Hearing Cyno say that, words that Tighnari has ached to hear him say for so long, but feared he was too foolish for wanting to hear them - it makes a warm smile bloom on Tighnari’s face, his lips curling against the hollow of Cyno’s cheek as he inhales the scent of his skin. It’s become so familiar now… ]

Not if I kiss you first.

[ Gods, what a foolish thing to say, but he’s never been happier to be a fool, pressing his mouth again to Cyno’s, his fingers snagging in the front of his hoodie, tilting his head so their mouths slot together. He can’t help but reflect in the back of his mind just how perfectly their mouths fit together, which also makes him feel foolish, but he can’t bring himself to care.

He parts his lips, coaxing Cyno’s open in turn, deepening the kiss. ]

[ cyno wouldn't call it a foolish thing to say, but it's certainly silly enough to make him crack a smile before their lips meet again.

it's even better, the second time. instantly, a shiver shoots down cyno's spine, and he groans, soft and quiet against tighnari's mouth, especially once he feels those soft lips part, drawing a rough exhale from cyno, the kiss pushing deeper. cyno obeys without question, his mouth opening against tighnari's, his tongue already questing, dipping into tighnari's mouth and gods, he tastes so good, and the slippery texture of his mouth lights a primal fire in cyno's belly.

thoughtlessly, his hands at tighnari's sides slip around to his back, bunching in his sweater and tugging, pulling him nearer, all but into cyno's lap, eager to have him nearer, to feel him close, warm and solid and real. it would be a lie to say that cyno hasn't though of this before, a hundred times before, imagining what tighnari's mouth would taste like, how warm his body would feel against cyno's own.. but his thoughts can hold no comparison to the real thing. ]

'Nari..

[ he murmurs, his left hand slipping up into that dark hair, thumbing at the base of one soft, sensitive ear. ]

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