cashewlater | you don't listen anyways; i'll be quiet, i don't really feel like fighting

you don't listen anyways; i'll be quiet, i don't really feel like fighting

It's.. fine, Tighnari.

[ it isn't fine. it's never fine, when this happens, and it's always clear, exactly what is going on. cyno's home situation has never been good, never been comfortable, but cyno plows through it, because he has no other choice, because soon, he'll be eighteen, and he won't need to deal with this ever again. though he has no memories of his mother, cyno can't help but think that his father had been a happy man, back then, before she left him alone with a squalling babe. that he hadn't simply given cyno up to the system is a miracle in and of itself, one that cyno's father is always sure to remind him of. he drinks, and slurs, and slams cyno to the wall.

i kept you, when your own mother didn't even want you. you owe me, kid. ]

I just got into a fight. That's all.

[ which isn't necessarily an untruth, even if cyno still feels incredibly guilty keeping the reality of it from tighnari, but what else is there to say? he can't tell him the truth, even if it's as clear as the bruise around his eye. beneath his oversized hoodie, his ribs ache. cyno shifts from foot to foot, where they stand at the entrance to tighnari's home, adjusting his backpack, fiddling with his thick, fluffy hair to better cover his bruised eye. he chews his lower lip, worrying at the golden stud there. ]

Anyway, I'll.. see you tomorrow, yeah?

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[ tighnari might not want his help, but cyno would feel far too guilty if he left all the work to his good friend, after staying to eat his dinner. it's the least that he can do.

but soon enough they're released from duty, and cyno snags his backpack as they make their way up to tighnari's room. that smile eases his heart. ]

Thanks for inviting me. I should probably.. text my dad and let him know.

[ dropping his backpack, he tugs his phone from his pocket, beginning to punch in a message. his dad won't care, if he's even home tonight at all, but if cyno were to not come home without letting him know, he'd absolutely be asking to get his teeth knocked out. ]

Don't.

[ Tighnari frowns, reaching to grab his phone away before he can send it. He knows he's being stupid but he doesn't want Cyno's father to ever know anything about Cyno. He doesn't deserve to. He sighs and looks down at the message the other had been typing in. ]

What if you just never go back?

[ tighnari plucks the phone from his hands so quickly that cyno hardly knows what to do with himself for a few moments. ]

.. never go back?

[ ah. he knows what tighnari is getting at, what he's trying to say. cyno glances quickly aside, embarrassed. ]

C'mon, 'Nari, don't be ridiculous. He'll be angry if I don't let him know.

Who cares if he's angry if you never let him close to you again?

[ Tighnari says stubbornly. ]

We have room for you... I'm sure my parents would let you stay with us. You don't have to...

'Nari, I - I don't.. I don't understand why you're so worried -

[ he tries, but he knows his words are foolish. he knows he cannot hide the bruises and sprains from tighnari, knows that he can only make up so many excuses before they start to sound thin and useless even to his own ears.

he laughs dryly, mirthlessly. ]

I.. he - he'll.. drag me home.

Tighnari's ears go flat at the other trying to act like it's not obvious to him. How could Tighnari not see it? Cyno is his best friend. He sees him day after day and it's not hard for him to read the truth on Cyno's body, in his eyes.

"I won't let him," Tighnari says stubbornly, his brow furrowing. "You don't deserve to get hurt like this."

Cyno looks away, ashamed, his chest tightening.

"You can't stop him, Tighnari." After all, Cyno is still underage, and by law, he can be dragged home. Not to mention his father is a police chief. How can Cyno fight that? He rubs at the back of his neck, his side aching.

"It's fine. I'm almost eighteen. I've been saving up.."

Tighnari frowns and he wants to come up with something... anything that would be able to get Cyno out of that house and away from that guy. He sighs, his shoulders sagging and he moves to hug Cyno gently, mindful of any injuries he might have.

"That's still so far away," he frowns.

"I have to be able to do something to help you!"

Tighnari's hug is sudden, and Cyno nearly flinches out of habit, but.. those arms are so nice and warm, warm enough to make his heart ache. With a gentle hum, Cyno closes his eyes, his own arms slipping around Tighnari's middle, holding to him. If only he could stay here, forever, just like this..

"You are helping me," he says, softly, pressing his face to Tighnari's shoulder. "Just being beside you is more than enough. It's just.. a couple more months."

Tighnari notices the flinch and he doesn't pull away but he murmurs a soft apology against the other's shoulder as he holds him close. He wants to keep him here, safe. What if something worse happened to Cyno? He's worried everyday and he can't imagine how awful it must be for Cyno to live it all first hand.

"It's not fair, though, Cyno. There has to be something my parents could do..."

Cyno exhales softly, and leans their foreheads together.

"No - no.. I don't want you to get your parents involved. They're.. they're so good to me," he says, biting his lip. Tighnari's parents have been kind and welcoming from the moment they met him, and the last thing Cyno wants is to wrap them up in this, the mess of his life. "Just two months. I can.. I can manage, okay?"

Tighnari sags a little, like the wind is knocked out of him a bit.

"That's why they'll help... they can help," Tighnari says softly, his eyes closing tightly and his parents care about Cyno. They would know what to do if Tighnari and Cyno went to them. He knows they would.

"So much can happen in two months, Cyno," he says quietly, resisting the urge to tighten his arms around him.

Cyno hates disappointing him, hates that look on Tighnari's face, but.. what is he expected to do? How can he explain to Tighnari that he'll be just fine? That he doesn't need to worry?

"It.. it's really not that bad," he says, carefully lifting Tighnari's chin with his knuckles. "You're worrying too much. My dad just - he.. he has a bad temper sometimes, but it doesn't - he doesn't.." Gods, he sounds pathetic even to his own ears.

It's not so much disappointment really as worry and the helplessness of being able to do anything for the other at all. He feels his eyes burning a little but he doesn't want to cry, Cyno shouldn't have to be comforting him when Cyno is the one being harmed by someone that's supposed to love and take care of him no matter what.

"Just be honest, Cyno."

Being honest is usually quite easy for him. He's an honest person by nature. But this..

Being honest about this is difficult, because Cyno is not even honest with himself when it comes to his relationship with his father. Swallowing thickly, he looks away, one hand moving over his sore ribs, clutching. "I.. it's just -"

What can he even say?

"I don't want your parents to know. I don't want anyone to know. It's.. it's humiliating."

Tighnari crosses his legs on the bed and watches Cyno. He wants to curl up to him and cuddle like they do sometimes but he’s worried about hurting him. He’s worrying more and more about that each passing week it seems like... Does cyno not see how it’s been getting worse?

“The only person who should be humiliated is your sperm donor,” Tighnari says sharply, narrowing his eyes, his ears pressing flat. “He could seriously hurt you, Cyno... I don’t want to gamble on that. I don’t want to see you get hurt. You don’t deserve this.”

He sighs and his hands are balled into fists pressing down against his own thighs.

“My parents could help you. They wouldn’t ask any questions.” It’s not that hard to see what’s happening after all. If Tighnari said Cyno needs help they would believe him and they would believe Cyno.

Tighnari says as much, but.. Cyno still can't help but feel as if this is his fault, that he should be embarrassed for being a bad son, for not having a nice home and good parents and a normal life.

Hot tears sting the corners of his eyes, and Cyno sucks in a deep breath, blinking them rapidly back. Tighnari promises something wonderful, a warm, happy life where he doesn't need to worry about having his ribs broken for making a mistake, where he could have parents that love and support him - ah, what a bitter taste it is, that coats his tongue. How could he possibly ask Tighnari's parents to intervene on his behalf? Besides..

"He's.. the police chief, Tighnari. No one will believe me. Everyone thinks he's some.. some upstanding guy, and I'm just his punk kid."

Tighnari resists the urge still to launch himself at Cyno and hug him tightly when he sees the expression on the other's face, when he sees the tears. It's not fair! None of this is fair.

"How could they not believe it? There's proof all over you!"

Cyno's gaze drops, shame clear in his expression. He hugs his arms around his middle, hunching his shoulders, making himself look as small as he feels.

".. what if you're wrong? What if no one believes me?"

He'll take it out on Cyno, he'll beat him senseless for daring to speak out.

"I believe you. My parents will believe you. Why wouldn't other people?" Tighnari sighs softly and he knows he can't make Cyno do this but he's struggling on how he can help and he does feel a need to help.

Cyno's eyes are down, his heart thumping so hard in his chest that he's sure it's audible. It must be. It's pounding in his ears. He's never really defied his father, never allowed himself to, and the idea is.. terrifying. Tighnari can't understand, the influence his father has, how much the public trusts him..

Leaning forward, still hugging his arms to his chest, he touches his forehead to Tighnari's.

"I'm afraid."

Tighnari can't understand and it frustrates him. He just wants to make things better, he wants Cyno to be safe. He's so scared it's going to be too late before he can get away.

"I am too. I don't know how to help you, Cyno..."

"I don't - "

Need you to help me, he wants to say, but he knows that isn't what Tighnari wants to hear. Swallowing thickly, he drops his gaze downward. He doesn't want to disappoint him, doesn't want to make Tighnari angry or upset, but.. what is there to be done?

"Just.. just let me think about it.."

"Cyno…” Tighnari bites the inside of his cheek and he’s afraid to push it too far. He’s afraid if he doesn’t push enough and something happens… He curls his hands into fists, his ears pressing against his head.

“You know you don’t deserve any of it… right?”

He sees Tighnari's frustration, and he hates it, hates that he's put his best friend into a position like this when really Cyno should be handling it alone, shouldn't be dragging anyone else into it..

But those words - they finally crack him. Cyno gasps softly, his chest tightening, wetness springing to his eyes, burning and stinging. He looks down, hugging his arms close to his chest, tears rolling down, dripping onto his jeans. "I.. but I.."

Of course he deserves it. If he were just better behaved, if he were a better person, a better son..

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